mom can i borrow money to buy you a present
"Help, I’ve fallen glamorously and I can’t get up ;]"
All of the other mannequins look like they’re so sick of his shit.
"God damn it, Jerry’s at it again.
Man forgets he is married after surgery (x)
#’hermione just stole all our shit’ is basically the entire harry potter series from a teachers perspective
My cousin came out to his mum by baking a cookie and writing “GAY” on it with icing and then went up to her and said “you are what you eat” then he ate the motherfucking cookie and if that’s not the best way to come out idk what is
do you ever feel like there’s just so many pretty girls but most dudes are just subpar like there are radiant goddesses everywhere and just piles and piles of guys in backwards baseball caps and sandals
it’s called makeup
you can put eyeliner on a frat boy that doesn’t change the fact that’s he’s wearing a neon muscle shirt and nike flip flops
team “i wore this yesterday but i’m going to a different place so it doesn’t matter”
IT TOOK ME TWO TIMES TO UNDERSTAND WHAT WAS GOING ON, HOLY FUCKING SHIT MY SIDES.
My respect level for T-Pain is out the roof right now.
UR STILL FUGLY
things you can do in the uk at 16 years of age
- get married (with parental permission)
- start a family
- join the army where they use guns and bombs and shit
- move out
things you can’t do in the uk at 16 years of age
- buy a pair of scissors
are you serious
Meanwhile in the US 8 year olds are allowed to shoot guns.
*steals ur girl* *mom finds out and makes me return her and apologize*
IF YOU WANNA BE MY LOVER
YOU GOTTA tell me really explicitely because I can’t tell when people are actually flirting with me